Wait..my husband doesn't read my mind?

“I wish my hubs would just plan an entire evening, take me out & I don’t even have to ask…”

You’ve said it, right?

Then, a holiday or special occasion rolls around & he hasn’t read your mind…you get all pissy that your date night (that you made up in your head but didn’t tell anyone about), didn’t happen.

You pout.

You get irritated with him.

And he has NO CLUE what he did wrong.

Or you do this…

You drop hints hoping he will get it & then, NOTHING.

No date night. Like ever. Planned.

And again, you pout.

You get irritated with him & he still has NO CLUE what he did wrong.

Hear me out…what if you:

1. STATE exactly what you would like & IF he wants, he can plan the date night. Like we tell our kids…“USE YOUR (DAMN) WORDS.” Keep in mind, you can request what you want, but he is a grown ass adult, he may not WANT to do it. And get this, that is ok…because you have a second option.

2. Just plan it yourself? I planned our date tonight. I knew what I wanted, I asked if he was in & then I set it up. Get this shit…we both had a GREAT evening.

Men are NOT mind readers. And you know what you want BETTER than anyone else.

I get it, trust me.

BEEN THERE.

We think they should know that we want candy & flowers on Valentine’s Day or that we WANT them to plan date night for our anniversary. We think that if we tell them, it is not the same or it doesn’t count. But he is not going to GUESS what you want.

And I can tell you that not once during our date night did the thought run through my mind that he didn’t care about me enough because HE didn’t take the time to plan our night out.

Do you always know what he wants? Prob not.

Think of how much less disappointment there would be if you just SAID what you wanted. Or if you just took control of the things you wanted & dropped the expectation that he has to do it all (& without being told…)!

“On my birthday, I would love….”

“For our anniversaries, it would be awesome if….”

And if you’re mad about not getting something you didn’t ask for, don’t be mad at your husband because YOU never clearly stated what you wanted.

Just bc they MAY have gotten shit right every now & then without you having to tell them EXACTLY what you want doesn’t make them mind readers - nor does it mean they don’t love you when they don’t meet the expectations you have in your brain (that you kept to yourself)…

What do you REALLY want?

Have you ever stopped & asked yourself what you REALLY want?

I’ll be honest, I’ve spent most of my life going through the motions. Doing what I thought was the right path based on the “norm”, college, career, marriage, kids.

I never stopped & REALLY asked myself what I wanted.

I had a lot of things I thought I wanted but never really looked past surface level.

I never tried to get to know who I was & what was important to me.

I was just simply letting life happen to me.

I was not making things happen for myself.

6 years ago, in Corporate America, I was exhausted.

I blamed it on the company. My role. My clients.

But it had WAY more to do with me not being in alignment with who I was & what I wanted than where I worked. I moved positions, quit the corporate life & found another job & I was still unhappy. And definitely not in the headspace to see what was really going on…

I had no idea what I wanted.

I just knew that the path I was on was not it.

But I still never stopped to sit down & dig deep to figure out what the fuck I REALLY wanted in my life. Nor did I believe in myself so thinking about what I wanted & how to get it was not even an option for me, it was outside of my reach.

When Beachbody came into my life, something inside of me shifted. I had actually started to think outside the box in terms of what was possible more than I ever had before.

I found a LOVE for the personal development work that we as coaches did on the regular.

In 2020, I started to do work with a life coach. That was it!

This is ONE of the many things on my list that I WANT in my life.

It is showing me how to take my dreams, write them out on paper, make them a possibility & know that I can handle ANY emotion that comes up as I grow into this more evolved version of myself. It has shown me that I don’t have to sit here & let life happen to me, I can CREATE the future that I want….but only IF I KNOW WHAT I WANT! Otherwise, we stay in autopilot & that is how our lives start to feel a little bit like Groundhog Day!

So here I am at 37, almost 38…FINALLY doing the work to ask myself (besides this amazing new business I am launching because that is a HUGE “want” I get to check off my list) what else do I want?!

Y’all, it doesn’t have to be a biz you start, it can relate to your current career. A better relationship with your hubs. Your kids. A trip to Fiji. To lose 50lbs & keep it off. It can be ANYTHING. The point is, what do you want?

If you keep living the way you are today do you know where will you be in 5, 10 years

Is that the path you need to be on to achieve what YOU want THE most in your life?

Not what society tells you is the right path or what you SHOULD do, what YOU Want.

And if not, what do you need to do to make shit happen for yourself?!

What are some things in life that you WANT? Get curious with yourself!

Stop "SHOULDING" All Over Yourself!

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE A MORNING PERSON!

I know that may shock some of you to hear that out of me but…

We had an amazing convo in my group yesterday about self limiting beliefs.

One of the girls said she has a self limiting belief that she “is not a morning person.” But once we got to the root of it - she did not want to be a morning person. She loves her evening workout because it energizes her after work to get shit done around the house + it relieves some of her stress from her day BUT she was telling herself she should be…that maybe it is was better to be a morning person & she was missing something. So I told her instead of thinking “I am not a morning person” & making that mean there is something wrong with her - just own it & say “I don’t WANT to be a morning person.” See how different that sounds & feels?!

This is where we (all humans) get stuck - telling ourselves we SHOULD be doing nothing. I refer to it as “shoulding” on yourself instead of being real about what you want. It is so easy to do that, especially when we see other people doing things - gotta that social media peer pressure - & then we start arguing with our own reality because we think we aren’t doing it right! Or that we aren’t good enough because we aren’t doing it like someone else.

Well girlfriend I am here to tell you, that is bullshit. There is no one size fits all for your daily routine or schedule. You have to do what works for you!

If you want to sleep in because you find you’re more energized & productive at night - ! If you want to get up early because that is the best time for you to sneak in a workout & get some quiet time - GO YOU! If you LOVE working out on your lunch break because it gets you over that mid day - GET IT, GIRL!

I wake up in the morning because I WANT to...when I do it out of WANT - it feels ways better than telling myself I SHOULD or HAVE to.

Stop “shoulding” on yourself! Ask yourself what YOU really want & if you like your reasons behind it-own it & rock your routine!

PS - this can apply to A LOT more than just your routine/schedule.

Get Yo' Mind Right

I see it ALL the time.

Women who don’t work on BELIEVING they can make a lifestyle change. This used to be me, like I feel this message deep in my core, so I get it.

They start the workouts.

They start eating healthier.

They start taking better care of themselves.

They quit.

And end up back at square one.

They blame the workouts.

They blame the food plan.

They blame time.

But do you know what work they didn’t work on yet... Believing they are someone who works outs regularly.

Believing they are someone who makes a meal plan that works for them + their goals & sticks to it.

Believing they can lead a healthier lifestyle.

Believing it’s important enough to them to make the time.

THEY DON’T BELIEVE IN THE NEW VERSION OF THEMSELVES THEY WANT TO CREATE.

They expect their actions to create “that person” but without the belief that person doesn’t exist. And won’t exist until they do the work to believe new things.

When I signed up to be a Hockey Cheerleader.

 I had NEVER been a hockey cheerleader before.

I know you are prob like, DUH ASHLEY, WTF is your point?!
I set a goal to try out for the squad. 

I questioned myself, my ability, what people would think…& I went for it anyways.

Nothing stopped me.

It was BRAND NEW TERRITORY for me.

It was scary. Outside of my comfort zone.

I had ZERO proof I would make it or could do it…

I did it. 

Same with…

• Dance class. 

• My sorority. 

• College. 

• Dating.

• Kids! 

• Entrepreneurship.

It was ALL brand new at some point. 

Everything we’ve EVER done in our lives, for the 1st time, we’ve never done before…

CRAZY when you think about it that way, right?! For some people it comes natural to try new things, but not everyone is wired that way. MOST of us have a brain that tells us to avoid failure, which is basically don’t do ANYTHING you have not done before because you MIGHT DIE. (Not really but our brains like to freak out.) 

Some of us were WAY more open to signing up for something new or setting goals without questioning them when they were younger…(hand raised)

And that “some of us” hit adulthood & we stopped. Why?!
We think just because we haven’t done something in the past means we can’t do it now. “Eh, it is too late. This is how I have always done it.” Or we just get complacent.

We are so attached to what we know, we don’t even attempt to create something different. Or do anything new.

We just keep creating the same life OVER & OVER.

And MOST of the time, it is because of 1 thing: we’re afraid to fail. 

I’ll admit, in the past that word has scared the F outta me.
I’m embarrassed to admit the amount of things I haven’t done because I “didn’t know how” & wanted to avoid failure.

But I am learning to embrace it. To shift my mindset around the BENEFITS of failing!
When I have tried new things in the past & failed, I let that completely STOP me, it was my reason to give up instead of using that as a learning opportunity. Or as feedback for ways to do it differently next time.  (When you look at it that, it is a little less scary right?)

When you wanted to learn to walk as a tiny human, you didn’t think, “oh, I have never done that before, I can’t do that.”
NOOOO!! You got up, you took steps. You fell. You got up again & kept repeating until you got it. You FAILED. You got GOOD at failing. And from that failure (FALLING) came growth (WALKING). 

Not having done something before is not a reason to not do it. 
Be willing to try it.
Be willing to fail. 
Then pick yourself back up again & keep going. 
And when you start getting the results, you know you’re doing it right.
There is never an age limit to set new goals & dream new dreams. 
I am giving you permission to as we get closer to a new year, to set a new big scary goal, go after it AND fucking fail forward. 

“Don’t fear failure, fear not trying!”