The Rulebook You Didn’t Know You Wrote (And Why It’s Making Life Harder)

If you’ve ever had a moment where you thought, “This should NOT be happening,” hi, welcome, pull up a seat.

I recently had one of those moments thanks to a broken Peloton treadmill upon delivery.

Let me explain.

I was all ready. We cleaned the gym, we moved everything around, we made space. We were ready.
My treadmill on the other hand, was not.

The delivery guys got it down the steps and opened the box only to find it broken in two places. I don’t think putting it back on the dolly and getting it up the staircase was on their bingo card but it showing up broken and not being able to get another one until the New Year - definitely not on my bingo card.

My brain went straight into a very dramatic, “Nope. Absolutely not. This should NOT be happening.”

But underneath that was a full rulebook (or a manual) for how Peloton should handle it.

In my head, they should:

• expedite the replacement

• fix it immediately

• make the entire process quick and painless

One minor problem: that’s not their actual process.

And the more I argued with reality, the more pissed and frustrated I got.
Not because of the situation itself but because of the rulebook I wrote that Peloton has never even seen.

Here’s the thing:
Feeling disappointed when something arrives broken is completely normal.
You’re human. You get to feel that.

But what I did next (and what we ALL do) is where the unnecessary suffering kicked in.

I didn’t just feel disappointed.
I stacked:

• frustration

• anger

• resentment

• stress

…all on top of an already disappointing situation.

Why? Because I was clinging to a standard that didn’t actually exist.

When I finally let myself feel the actual disappointment, without the story, without the mental rulebook, the intensity started to settle.
Because disappointment is real but arguing with reality is what amplifies it.

And this is where things get interesting.

We don’t just do this with companies.
We do it constantly with people, especially the ones we love.

We all have manuals (invisible rulebooks) for how people should behave.

How partners should show up.
How family should act.
How friends should respond.
How coworkers should communicate.

And when they don’t follow the rulebook they never agreed to, it doesn’t just annoy us, we’re annoyed PLUS the layered frustration of thinking, “You’re not doing what I think you should be doing.”

This is where so much unnecessary suffering comes from, not the moment itself, but the meaning we attach to it.

Let me be clear: dropping the manual doesn’t mean you suddenly love the situation, or accept behavior that truly doesn’t work for you.

Dropping the manual simply means:

• you stop arguing with what’s real

• you stop expecting someone to be a different version of themselves

• you stop suffering twice

And here’s the part that feels empowering AF (aka, where you take your power back and focus on what you can control in the situation):

You can accept someone for who they are AND you can decide if that actually works for your life.

Same with Peloton:

I can accept their process is what it is and also decide if I want to keep giving them my business.

It’s the both-and that gives you your power back.

Taking your power back isn’t about controlling people.
It’s not about rewriting the world to match your internal rulebook.

It’s about choosing what works for you without the added drama.

You get to ask yourself:

• Can I drop my idea of how this person “should” act and accept who they actually are?

• Or is this misaligned enough that I make a change?

That’s where the power is.
That’s where things start feeling lighter.

So let me leave you with this:

Where in your life are you making things harder by creating your own rulebook that argues with reality, without even realizing it?

Because the moment you see it is when you can actually choose something different.

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FYI: For those wondering, the process for Peloton when this happens is that you literally get back in line, behind anyone else who recently ordered and find the next open delivery date (which is an additional 2-3 weeks out)…I still do not find that to be “good” customer service BUT I have accepted that it is their process AND I enjoy my current equipment (bike) from the enough to wait it out and get my treadmill, soon-ish.

Floral Arrangements + Coaching: There Are No Rules

I did a new thing last night.

And if you know me, it may come as a shock to you- but I did a Thanksgiving Floral Workshop.
(Yes, the girl who never buys flowers or expects them from her husband...)

I went in, zero experience, full confidence that I was about to fuck it up. LOL.

At first I kept thinking (and making jokes about it, because… hi, it’s me), “Okay… what’s the right way to do this?”
Like there was some secret rulebook.

I even asked the florist a couple of times, "Am I doing this wrong?”
Like if she helped me, then it would be the RIGHT way.

But here’s the funny part… she didn’t tell me what to do.
She asked what I liked.
She showed me a few options.
We played around until it felt right for me.

She was basically a coach-sure, she has her own style, but she helped me find mine.

Because there’s no one-size-fits-all.

But once I got into it…
It hit me.
There is no perfect way.

It’s literally about placing things where you want them.
What feels good. What looks right to you.
It’s subjective. It’s yours. And that’s the whole freaking point.

And honestly, this is exactly the work I do with women.

We spend years trying to follow some invisible rulebook for life, motherhood, marriage, food, bodies, careers- like there’s one “correct” way to show up.

But the magic happens when you realize…
there’s not.

You get to build your life the same way I built that flower arrangement tonight:
by learning to trust yourself a little more,
by trial and error,
by letting it be imperfect,
by noticing what actually feels good for YOU.

No rulebook.
No “perfect” way.
Just you learning to trust yourself again.

If you want support while you relearn how to trust yourself, I have 1:1 openings right now.
Let’s get back to doing more of what actually feels good for you (not what everyone else claims is the “right” way). Let’s chat.

Things I’m Not Doing This Thanksgiving: Blasting My Husband on Facebook

Found this little gem in my FB memories. Oof.

Apparently, 14 years ago passive-aggressive Facebook updates were basically my personality.

Actually, a lot of my posts before coaching came into my life had this same tone. Whether it was about Aaron, my job, or anything else outside of me I thought “was the problem.”

But I don’t post stuff like this on social media because I don’t live in that headspace anymore.

I do my best to not make it my job to manage someone else’s emotions and not blame other people for how I feel. (I'm human. Not perfect.)

But either way, I’m definitely not blasting my husband on socials on Thanksgiving anymore.

Coaching changed that part of me.
It taught me how to stop reacting to everything and start taking my power back.

At the time of this post, we were so lost in our marriage and didn’t even realize it…
Little moments like this added up-thinking the other persons mood was our problem to fix or taking their mood personally which led to resentment and petty arguments.


We weren’t bad people. We just didn’t know how to be humans with feelings instead of passive-aggressive assholes to each other.

Both unaware of it all. Both reactive. Both giving our power away to the other.

The game changed when I finally saw I wasn't just "reacting to him".

...I was reacting to my own expectations of him. My thoughts about him. Pair that with unregulated emotions and my inability to let him have his own feelings without wanting them to be different...phew. What a freaking recipe.

This is literally how that day played out:

Me: "He is so crabby and rude."
→ I'd feel irritated AF.
→ Then l'd get snappy.
→ And boom... now I'm the one being crabby.

All because I was uncomfortable with his mood and thought he should fix it. And the irony of me thinking he should fix his shit mood while creating a shit mood for myself-classic.

But now I can actually see that pattern. That's the awareness coaching gave me.

We've both changed SO MUCH since then. Not because some miracle happened, but because we had to learn how to communicate, take ownership, and stop letting our unmanaged mind and moods run our marriage.

We had to learn how to communicate, take ownership, and stop letting our unmanaged mind and moods run our marriage.

I share this because so many women I coach are in this exact place; resentful, exhausted, carrying everything, reacting instead of choosing, and feeling like the victim in their life (while maybe even showing up like the villain, yet unaware of it).

It doesn’t have to stay like that.

And if you’ve ever caught yourself posting something like this (or thinking it), spinning in your head about everything your partner does, or feeling like you’re carrying the emotional weight of the entire relationship…

You’re not alone, and you’re not broken-you’re just stuck in patterns you didn’t even realize you were in.

Give yourself the gift of awareness.

Notice when you’re trying to manage your partner’s emotions instead of your own.

Then ask yourself:
“Is this mine to carry?”
“What can I actually control here?”
…and maybe notice what YOU create when you take on their mood.

That’s the beginning. That’s the shift.
You can take your power back in your relationship.

I mean, I’m definitely proof you can unf*ck your mindset and your marriage.

Why We Keep Doing Holiday Traditions That Don’t Fit Anymore (and How to Change That)

For the moms trying to keep every holiday tradition alive — here’s your reminder that the holidays get to be yours too.

If you’ve ever gone through a holiday season on autopilot — doing all the things because that’s just what we do — you’re not alone.

We bake the cookies, send the cards (although I dropped this one years ago…for me, that felt aligned & damn good), overfill the calendar, and keep traditions alive that maybe don’t even light us up anymore.

We do it out of habit, guilt, or pressure — not always out of joy.

And while we love the memories those traditions once created, sometimes they just don’t fit this version of our life anymore.

But why, Ashley?! Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?!

We fall into what I call holiday autopilot.
It’s that mix of nostalgia, obligation, and fear of disappointing others.
We tell ourselves:

• “It’s what my family expects.”

• “My kids will be sad if we don’t.”

• “It’s just easier to do it than deal with the guilt.”

And you question none of those thoughts.

But here’s the truth: you’re an adult now — with your own family, your own season of life, and your own priorities.
What used to work might not fit anymore, and that’s okay.

Allow me to Give You Permission to Choose What Fits Now

You’re allowed to create new memories and traditions that fit you — not just repeat the ones you grew up with or keep saying yes to everyone else because you think you have to.

You get to decide what actually feels right for your family this year.
And that might look quieter, simpler, or completely different from what you grew up with.
That doesn’t make it less meaningful — it makes it yours.

A Personal Example: Redefining “Tradition”

A few years ago, we realized we didn’t even like traditional holiday meals.
Every Thanksgiving we’d cook all the things we were “supposed” to — turkey, stuffing, casseroles — and by the end of the day, we were exhausted, stuffed, and honestly… feeling like complete ass.

So we changed it.

Now, our Thanksgiving spread is full of finger foods — things we actually enjoy eating and don’t feel miserable afterward. The pressure’s gone, and for us, it’s fun.

And for Christmas Eve, we ditched the stress of cooking altogether. We all get dressed up, go out to eat, and enjoy the slow pace of the evening instead of rushing around the kitchen.

And no one misses the old way. We leave dinner satisfied from a good meal, happy, and not chained to dishes or a food coma for the rest of our night.

That’s what it means to make the holidays yours.

Check In: Here are a few questions to help you reflect on what you truly want this season to look like:

• If no one expected anything from you this year, what parts of the holidays would you actually still choose to do?

• Am I doing this because it feels good and aligns with what matters to me — or because I’d feel guilty if I didn’t?

• What memories and feelings do I want my kids to grow up remembering — and how do I want to show up for them this season?

Listen — if there are things you love and want to carry on, amazing.
But if there are things you’re doing out of pressure, guilt, or habit, it’s okay to let them go and make space for what feels right for you.

You don’t need permission from anyone else.
But if you need a reminder — this is it.

If you read this blog post, you’re here for a reason,, take it as your sign to give yourself permission to let go of the pressure, set some boundaries, and take your power back this holiday season.

Come find me on IG, I will be talking all things that will help you create a calm, connected, and intentional holiday season.

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If this is something you struggle with in your day to day life, if you are feeling overwhelmed and like you are constantly overbook, overwhelmed and flying by the seat of your pants - I got you - getting clear on where your priorities lie, being able to say no out of alignment with what matters most to you and what you value is the perfect thing to bring to coaching. 1:1 spots are open.