Why We Ghost Ourselves: The Real Reason We Stop Showing Up

Have you ever signed up for something, felt motivated AF at first, and then… slowly disappeared? Maybe you ignored the emails, skipped a session, or told yourself you’d ‘start fresh Monday’ (again). And then—poof—you ghosted.

You’re not alone.

The Hidden Reasons We Ghost Ourselves

Our Brains Resist Change – We are wired for safety, and our brains naturally pull us back to comfort. If we don’t recognize this, we might cave to old habits—even if where we are isn’t where we want to be.

Change Feels Overwhelming – When you start something new, it’s exciting. But then reality hits. The old habits, the familiar comfort zones, the resistance. It’s easier to avoid than to push through discomfort.

All-or-Nothing Thinking Kicks In – If you feel like you’re not ‘doing it perfectly,’ the urge to quit creeps in. Instead of adjusting, you think, I’ve already messed up, so what’s the point?

Fear of Failure (or Success!) – What if you do make changes and it still doesn’t feel like enough? Or what if success comes with expectations you don’t feel ready for? Sometimes, ghosting is self-protection.

Emotional Resistance – Change isn’t just about actions—it’s about identity. If you’ve spent years believing you’re ‘not someone who follows through’ (a familiar story of my own), sticking with something challenges that belief. And that can feel really uncomfortable. Insert any old identity you may have of yourself that challenges the person you are becoming, because it can create resistance.

So… What Now?

If you’ve ghosted something that matters to you, instead of beating yourself up, try this:

• Get Curious: Ask yourself why you pulled away. Were you overwhelmed? Expecting perfection? Feeling unsure?

• Shrink the Step: Instead of ‘starting over,’ pick one small thing to do today. Not Monday. Not next month. Today.

• Have Your Own Back: Shame keeps you stuck. Compassion helps you move forward. Treat yourself like you would a friend who’s struggling.

Ghosting doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It just means something wasn’t working for you. And now, you get to figure out what does.

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How a Coach Can Help You Break the Cycle

1. Help You See Your Patterns Clearly – Sometimes, we're too close to our own struggles to recognize them. A coach helps you identify where you're getting stuck and why.

2. Give You the Tools to Move Forward – Instead of defaulting to old habits, you'll learn strategies that actually work for you—without falling into the all-or-nothing trap.

3. Provide Accountability & Support – Change feels easier when you're not doing it alone. Having someone in your corner makes a huge difference in following through.

When you stop ghosting yourself, you start building trust with you. And that’s where the real change happens.

If this hits home— what’s one thing you can do today to show up for yourself?

Maybe it’s signing up for 1:1 coaching or a consult..just sayin’! I got you, boo.

Click the pink link to get started!

Are You a "Good" Mom: Defining That for Ourselves

There’s this unspoken belief that if you’re a good mom, you should be fully present, hands-on, and available 24/7.

Oh and if you happen to also be building a biz/working? Cue ALL the mom guilt.

I have gone through this myself, more than once and it came up last night in a workshop where I was walking women through aligned goal setting.
Am I taking away from my kids? Should I be spending this time with them instead?

A kickass biz building mama said she felt guilty because her goal wasn’t about her kids—it was about her business.

As we chatted, I asked: Is that guilt coming from you… or from outside voices?
She paused, then said, Yeah, it’s definitely external. It’s not actually mine.

We talked about how the two don’t have to be at odds.

She can value time with her family AND the time she spends on her biz. And it’s okay if she knows that working on her biz fills her up in a way that allows her to show up even better—for her kids, her family, and herself.

So I asked her: How is building your business part of being a good mom, for you? Maybe it means showing her kids what’s possible. Modeling that passion & purpose matter. Creating a life where they get to see her fulfilled and still present.

Whether you work, run a business, or stay at home—it doesn’t matter. As moms, we need to get clear on one thing: what does being a “good” mom even mean to you?

Not Instagram. Not the moms you hang out with. Not even your mom. YOU.

At the end of the day, when your head hits the pillow, what makes you feel like you showed up in a way that matters? Maybe it’s snuggling them before bed.

Maybe it’s putting your phone down during dinner. Maybe it’s just being there when they need you, even if the whole day felt chaotic.

There is no checklist for motherhood. It’s not all-or-nothing. And you get to define what “doing alright” as a mom looks like—on your terms.

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Here are 6 questions to help you gain clarity on what being a ‘good’ mom means to YOU—whether you’re an entrepreneur, work outside the home, or stay home.🩷

From the Mat to the Mic: How Martial Arts Built an Aspiring Broadcaster

This isn’t my usual kind of post, but I wanted to share something cool my oldest has been up to…

Mason has been doing live play-by-play commentary for his high school’s sports broadcasts—so far covering football and basketball. He and his broadcast partner are actually the first to ever do commentary for the school's live stream, which has been an exciting opportunity for them to build something from the ground up. With their last live game of the season now in the books, he’s already looking forward to next year.

Unlike most teenagers, Mason doesn’t have personal social media. Up until now, we’ve been pretty strict no social kind of parents. But as he pursues sports broadcasting, we wanted to create a space for him to share his journey, gain exposure, and have a place to store clips that might come in handy down the road.

Right now, we’re helping him manage this page—not to speak for him, but to help keep things organized and professional as he builds his portfolio. The words, the passion, and the work? That’s all Mason. This is just the beginning, and we’re excited to share the journey!

If you want to find him and following along, you can find him here: Mason's IG

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Here’s my take on a recent post from Mason’s page: “From the Mat to the Mic: How Martial Arts Built My Confidence”

For many kids with ADHD, school is a constant battle of “sit still, focus, stop talking.” The corrections pile up, and if they’re not careful, so does the belief that they’re somehow too much or not enough.

But the mat? The mat gave Mason a place to be himself. A place where his energy wasn’t something to fix—it was something to harness. A place where mistakes weren’t met with ridicule but with the encouragement to improve.

It gave him discipline—not just in movement but in mindset. It taught him confidence, not from being the loudest in the room, but from knowing he could handle challenges under pressure. The structure, the accountability, and the sense of belonging all helped him navigate the everyday highs and lows of being a kid with ADHD.

It also surrounded him with peers and mentors who had common goals—people who pushed him to be better, to lead by example, and to stay accountable to himself and those around him. Where he wasn’t just told to focus, but taught how to channel it.

Not only did he earn his 2nd-degree black belt, but he also became an assistant instructor, further solidifying what he learned as a student: respect, leadership, discipline, and confidence.

That confidence now shows up behind the mic, calling live sports for his high school. A friend recently said to me, “Good for him that he does play-by-play. Most kids today don’t even talk.”

And I realized—that’s exactly it. He’s not just comfortable behind the mic. He’s comfortable talking to adults, making eye contact, and using his voice. (Now, reading the room? We’re still working on that… LOL.)

Long before he ever grabbed a headset, the mat taught him how to stand tall, speak up, and believe in himself. While he left Martial Arts last year to focus on baseball, we are thankful for those years on the mat—for the lessons, the people, and the confidence they gave him.

I Met My Younger Self for Coffee Today

I saw this trend on Instagram and had to create my own version. I thought I would leave it here to come back to later on…

I met my younger self for coffee today.

She hesitated before ordering, scanning the menu for the “healthiest” option.
I ordered what sounded good to me in the moment.


She picked apart her reflection in the window, adjusting her shirt, sucking in her stomach.
I leaned in & told her, “Your body is the least interesting thing about you.”

She thought if she could just lose the weight, then maybe she’d feel confident—maybe she’d feel enough.
I told her happiness wasn’t at some imaginary finish line—it was built in the tiny choices she made each day to treat herself like she mattered. And on the days she still struggled to believe it, she’d remind herself that it was just old patterns she was unlearning.

She told me she felt like she was always on the outside looking in—never quite sure where she belonged. 
I told her she never had to shrink herself to be worthy of belonging. She’d find people who truly see her.

She wasn’t sure she was cut out to be a mom, afraid she’d never get it right.
I told her no one feels ready, and being a good mom isn’t about perfection—it’s about love, presence, and embracing the messy moments with compassion. I told her she'd still have doubts, but she’d also know that trying her best was always enough.

She thought marriage was supposed to feel different—easier, lighter.
I told her that when she stopped trying to change him & focused on herself, everything would shift. They wouldn’t need to be perfect—they'd grow together.

She didn’t know what she was meant to do in life, nothing ever seemed to stick.
I told her she’d find her way—not only would it fill her cup in ways she never imagined, but she’d help other women break free from the same stories that once kept her stuck.

She was so damn hard on herself-never feeling like she was doing enough, never thinking she was enough.
I told her she was doing so much better than she gave herself credit for. And when those doubts crept in again, and they will, she’d remind herself of the same thing.

As we walked away from the table, I knew how much she still had to work through to get here-but I also knew I wouldn’t be who I am without her.

I hope she knows how special she is.

From Keeping Score to Finding Peace: A HUGE Relationship Shift

I used to spend more time finding proof of what was wrong than appreciating what was right. I kept a mental tally (ok actually, it was a notes section in my phone) of every time he yelled—it was a lot, y'all—or the times he didn’t automatically just know how to be a dad or husband…like he’d been here before. LOL.

Basically, every time he didn’t show up the way I thought he should. Tally that shit up! (at risk of current controversies with Ryan Reynolds..dare I say, in my best Van Wilder voice, “write that down”.)

I was so damn busy waiting for him to fix himself that I wasn’t focusing on the one thing I could control—ME.

Eventually, I stopped keeping score. I stopped focusing on all the shit about him that drove me crazy, that I had ZERO power to change, and I focused on me.

I started showing up differently—more communication, less letting his shitty moods dictate mine, and taking ownership of MYSELF. And eventually, the energy in our marriage changed too.

Y'all, this didn’t happen overnight. It was actually a slow (and sometimes painful) process. I made a choice to be patient and wait—but that’s not the right choice for everyone.

And honestly? I wish coaching had come into my life sooner. We spent years in that exhausting space of Do I stay? Do I go?—where you don’t want to leave, but you also don’t want to keep living like this. And the whole time, I was giving all my power away to him instead of taking ownership of myself.

Coaching helped me see that we could have gotten here sooner—whether that meant staying together in a healthier way or realizing it was time to walk away. The indecision was draining as hell.

I had to stop waiting for him to change & start asking myself:

How do I want to show up?

Think about it.  If you’re holding onto the past, or the story that he should just know what you need—or that he just needs to change—you will only stay stuck right where you are.

But when you stop focusing on him & start focusing on YOU, everything shifts.

✨ What if, just for today, you dropped the test & asked instead?
✨ What if you stopped trying to fix him & focused on who you want to be in the relationship?
✨ What if you stopped looking for what’s missing & started noticing what’s working?

Trying to control someone else will never give you the clarity you’re looking for.
Let me say that again: You’ll never find the answers you’re looking for when all you’re focused on is trying to control or change someone else.

But when you focus on YOU—your happiness, your needs, your choices—that’s when everything becomes clear.

PS—Only YOU get to decide what’s right for you. You are your greatest resource. A coach doesn’t make that decision for you, but a coach can help you get clear on what feels aligned—whether that’s working through things or walking away.